Doris vs Me

Doris ~ there is so much love in this home
Hubby ~ I thought you took your hearing aids out at night
Doris ~ perplexed, I do...Oh I'm not talking about that kind of love
I start laughing and shaking my head...

Her: Have you ever thought of a  hair piece, you could wear it up and down, it would look very attractive.

Me: no I don't 

Her: it would look really good

Me: no, nope

Her even if it was paid for?

Me: no I don't want one

Her: Well you would  look attractive with one.....

hmm was kinda afraid to ask what she was really saying......

Her: I really like Deb, I think that is her name.. she's 60

Me: Her husband is 70..

Her: Does he have a brother......

Hmmm. guess the new meds are kicking in..

 

Doris was talking to someone at her  cousins home and telling whole history

I'm 76 you start going down hill as soon as you turn 21. She hangs up & says I have no idea who I was talking too.....

 

Doris: So and so used to store her paper work under the couch.  Her hubby  brought a big desk in and put it in the middle of the living room. I told him, his wife  should be able to find a place for all her papers now….. 

Me:  I interrupted, it's comments like that that cause problems. You didn't need to say those things about her storing and filing issues.

Doris: Well it didn't help, her hubby said the desk was for him...

ov vey

 

Doris: The ringing in my ears is really bad today...

Me: have you mentioned this to the doctors, do they know your ears ring?

Doris: why no, I just deal with it....

Ugh make a note. talk to doctor about ringing ears

Doris to caregiver: straighten up my room (please), put my 3 eye drops in the empty candy box

Me: 3 eye drops? you have 2..

Doris: No I have 3

Caregiver just stands and stares at us

Me: Doctor knows you have 2 where did the other come from?

Doris: I don't know....

Doris: and those new drops burn...

Me: you've had those new drops for over a week now & now are mentioning burning...

Fast forward:

I take all 3 bottles to eye doctor, ask what she is suppose to use, come home & give 2 back, keep 1 and confirm burning is normal...

Doris:couple days later, my eyes don't hurt so much now..

Me: probably because you were using 3 glaucoma drops instead of 2, over medicating....

Life continues to be full of funny moments...

frustrations, disappointments & pity parties

As I sit and contemplate what to write about from last week, I'm can only think about frustrations & disappointments.
So many things have changed since Doris moved in with us. I quit my job which I enjoyed immensely. I have been to so many new doctor offices I have lost count. There is never a day that starts out with I feel wonderful today or even today is a good day.

We watched TV in the basement but now there is a TV in our living room. The TV has caption across the screen and still the sound is loud. The loudness is a constant.

Some of the plans I had made for photography have been put on hold. This week is the Special Olympic Winter Games. I  had planned on going and taking pictures, just for the fun of it. However I can't leave Doris for 2-3 days alone... Hubby is leaving for the week ~ his 3rd week of traveling...
I don't feel I can ask someone to sit with her & keep the wood stove going. Also the doctor appts this week...
So I wrote all that last Sunday during a bout of pity party syndrome...
This week Doris had a ultrasound Tuesday.. The day I usually have my granddaughter baby L for the day... So I will be pushing the wheelchair with Doris holding baby L who is nearly 5mo.. What sight we are as I go down to radiology... Do you have a good hold on baby L? Her mom won't understand if you drop her!
As we enter the waiting room, it is kinda full today. A young (I mean young!) pregnant couple, her mom & sister. Another family was waiting pregnant mom, dad & 2 girls.
The girls were playing with baby L. making her laugh and generally entertaining her. Fast forward to the evening:
Talking to Shannon: baby L is so precious.. Everyone thinks so. Then mumbled something about colors....
Later: Baby L is so precious. There was a colored family in the waiting room & even they thought she was precious... Doris was impressed that the "colored" family thought a "white" baby was precious...
She continually tells me she isn't racist, bigot, she loves everyone equally..... skin doesn't matter to her.
When I'm in a mood, I will reply color, what color are they, green, red, purple? She will sheepishly reply why they are black....

Last week Doris called her cousin John, who is out of state for the winter (smart man I say) anyhow Doris is talking to someone, giving all her history.. from people dying to breaking of bones, to what a good cook I am... She talked for maybe 20-30min.... Hangs up, looks at me & says I have no idea who that was, it was one of John's grand kids I think....
These conversations Doris has with people, spilling her guts reminds me to never never ever share anything personal & private with Doris.... It won't stay personal & private...

I was able to go to Grand Haven Pier this week. I was showing her some of the pictures ~ her response was are you able to make those darker before you print, I said yes, She replied that would look better.... hmm I wonder why my self esteem takes a dip every so often..... Then I talk to my friends who help me see it isn't me, I am the normal one

...

tidbits from Doris

Doris received a call from Uncle B, hangs up & says Aunt Chris died! I replied That is too bad, do you want to go to the funeral? No she replies. I haven't seen her in years.
Throughout the day she calls various people telling them the news....
Fast forward to the next evening when Uncle B calls again ~ sorry Doris, it wasn't Chris who died but her sister...... When she hangs up I ask how many people she told who knew Chris & needs to call and set the record straight. She replies oh no one...
In my head I think only Doris....

A relative is going in for colon surgery she called the wife & said "hi, put Vaseline around his rectum to help with irritation... love you bye" that was the whole conversation.. She looked at me & says I think she appreciated me calling. I couldn't reply I was laughing so hard....

I sit at the kitchen table editing photos. Doris joins me sitting at my elbow... She is very helpful!
that looks funny
can you cut it off so she doesn't look like you cut her in half
that baby looks pale, change the background color
and my favorite: the background is multi color polka dots
are you going to leave the polka dots fuzzy?
I reply yes, I am
She ask do you think that looks good? I look at her (irritated) Yes, That is why I did it...
She ask do you think it takes the focus off the baby? I replied (more irritated) no I don't
She replies well if the dots were in focus it would.....Which is why they are fuzzy I reply!
Really, did you really just have this conversation with me...
My favorite observation : that girl looks like a football player....


The caregiver who comes and helps Doris bathe has been driving Doris a little crazy lately..
Miss T started a load of laundry. dark clothes & Doris' new flannel nightgowns - light in color...
Doris has been talking about this for a week now. I finally responded do your own laundry, you are able enough to do it. She replied I think I will... problem solved

Doris came into the living room  with a new problem:
She got a clean pair of panties out of the dressers. She came out to tell me Miss T ruined them. I asked how did she do that? Well she must have mopped the floor with my panties! They are dingy now.. I laugh & said she doesn't mop mom, they probably went thru the laundry in a dark load... Doris responds well maybe that is what happened. She decided she'd bleach them, I suggested throwing them away. She decides to  throw them since they are pretty old....
I laugh to myself and think it really is time to buy the  ole girl some new panties.... It will make her day I believe..

Doris has been helping out more ~ last week she emptied the dishwasher twice, and she put the dirty dishes in it. She washed the dishes that were too big, she has gotten her own soup & warmed it herself. She cleaned the table next to her chair, which is loaded down with magazines, kleenex, papers, bowl of skittles & who know what else... She mentioned to it to Mike, I cleaned my table off? She told me I know he likes things in their place....

The things Doris tends to say are funny only because she has no filter.... Her filter is totally broken and she says things she would have never said years ago. She really thinks shes being helpful, and is glad to help any way she can.
By finding the humor in the situation helps me keep my sanity at times

*** the lump I mentioned in the last post was not cancer!!!! happy dance going on here

the lump, the piercing & the old biddy

Doris: Shannon, you have your nose pierced?
Shannon: Yes Granny I do.
Doris: I'd like to get mine pierced too, but I don't want a gaudy ring in it, just a small one
Me: in my head I say I'm not taking you to get your nose pierced your 76 yrs old.....

Doris: When I go to my room I take my hearing aid out right away & turn it off..
Shannon & I look at each other perplexed... ok
Doris: That way I won't a thing from your bedroom Julie.....
We start laughing, I'm not sure what she thinks goes on in there & I'm not going to ask either. Ignorance is bliss


Doris: I'm going to take a nap.
Me: listen you old biddy, you can't nap you have to stay up.
Doris: I can't nap?
Me: nope.
Doris: Well then I like your sweater it's pretty, when are you going to give it to me? You called me an old biddy....
Me: I like this sweater you can't have it & you are an old biddy sometimes...
We start laughing together. Bonding as mother & daughter, old biddy & young
biddy.


Today Doris went for an ultrasound on her breast. She was quite subdued and quiet today, no waiting room stories to share. She has a lump & it is painful. We are fortunate to have a great doctor who listens to her (me). We will have results in a few days. About 15yrs ago She had breast cancer & had her right breast removed. Thankfully she didn't need any chemo or additional treatment. She is struggling with the thought of more cancer as any normal person would. In the last 10 yrs we as a family lost my sister, her daughter to liver cancer. I believe she was 45yrs old.  Also my dad, her husband to pancreatic cancer 9 months later.
We will patiently wait for the results & then do what ever the doctors want to do...
Today is the anniversary of dad's death, She misses him greatly & says she's glad he isn't in pain anymore. Then she gets quiet, I wonder what else is going on, what else she is thinking, Is she afraid of the pain or of dying? She says she is ready to go whenever God is ready. I think she questions why He is waiting or what is He waiting for... But she know she's ready whenever He is ready.

Things that make me laugh & cringe at times

Doris: thank you for the new lotion
Me: wait that's my new lotion, I couldn't find it
Doris: oh good because I don't like the smell of that lotion

Doris: I really like your new jeans, they are darker and your butt doesn't look so big
Me: Thank you
Doris: They sell these things that hold your stomach in, that would help too...
Me: Yes spanx. I have some, thank you for your help...

Doris: let me see your nails, oh I like that color, that other one was awful...
Me: Well I liked the other one or I wouldn't had them use that color
Doris: I think it looked nasty....

Can you say broken filter.. The ole girl doesn't have one anymore.. Gotta laugh

Me: I need the name of your heart doctor
Doris: I can't find my address book with all the info wrote in it, but I think he is Mexican, his name is Juan & his office is across from the grocery store
Me: I'm going to need a little more info than that..... The next day
Doris: excitedly I remember my heart doctors name
Me: good what is it
Doris: I wrote it down so I'd remember it..... Dr Sanjay Gupta.... Looking please with herself..
Me: Dr. Gupta is a doctor on TV, he does a morning news show sometimes.... I don't think you can afford him
Doris: well I guess I will keep thinking....
Doris: I don't know why I'm so sleepy, all I do is sleep... I think I will go lay down
Me: ok ~ a few hours later doris you need to get up! you're sleeping too much & you'll be awake all night....
Doris: ok, gets up , sits doing word search puzzles or reads for a couple hours ~ I'm so tired I think I will lay down....
Me : In my head, whatever
Next morning:
Me: how did you sleep?
Doris: I was awake all night! I just laid there..
Me: you think it could be you slept too much during the day?
 Doris: I don't know, I'm going to lay down for awhile I'm really tired...
What a twisted cycle that needs to be broken, reminds me of a baby with its nights & days mixed up.... However the other part of me thinks how much alone time I can have if she's sleeping... Better go wake her up .

This morning: Time to wake up:
Doris: I feel so refreshed, I left the little heater off, I think that is was too warm in my room..
Me: could be, glad you feel better..
Doris: goes to bathroom, comes out & says I'm going to lay down I am just so tired...
Me: screaming in my head..... you've been up for 15min....

Things we have accomplished since Doris moved in:
Sleep test = new bipap machine
Hearing test = new to her hearing aids
Panic button = doesn't push it tho doesn't want to bother anyone....
Eye appt = checking glaucoma & cataract
Got doctor records & new doctor realized she wasn't getting thyroid meds.... Oops could be cause of excessive sleep
Loose screws removed = screws in her knees removed = less knee pain
Testing blood levels at home vs trip to doctor office (thanks to Shannon)
Appt for urologist, heart doctor, eye doctor
Paying bills from a year ago when she broke her leg.
Set up commission on aging for help with showering, cleaning her room and most important clipping those toenails....

Next on the list to accomplish Setting up visiting the senior center & make friends
Invite ladies in for coffee social with her...
Keep laughing....that is what is next on my list....

Oh Doris ~ a visit to the doctors office

On Dec 30th Doris was scheduled to have the screws in her knee removed.. These screws are a result of her falling a year ago and breaking her femur. She had been complaining her knee hurt, the screw hurt, etc...
The screws were removed without any problem, with one of them having broke. No wonder the screw was poking out and hurting.
Fast forward 10 days ~ the day to have the staples removed....
I told her we needed to leave 1/2 hr earlier than we actually needed to be there. History has shown me we will be late if she knows the actually time..
I drop her at the door & park, She finds a seat while I get her checked in...
I hear her (across a full waiting room) talking to someone about horses... She used to have an appaloosa stallion. (I disliked him after he threw me) then on to Mary Maxim a craft catalog.... I'm still wondering how those 2 relate to each other..
As I sit down next to her in a very loud voice she declares every woman her age needs a husband like mine.... I replied I believe he is too young for you & I'd like to keep him....
Everyone started laughing.. I'm encouraging her to talk lower & she's just not getting it. She decided every mother needs a daughter with a husband like mine... That works for me
She sees a special needs girl with her dad, very loudly she said look at that mongoloid girl, thankfully neither the girl or her dad heard her. I once again try to quiet her down to no avail...
A lady sitting way to close to us was wearing bright pink high heel shoes... Doris very loudly says You think I should get a pair of pink shoes like hers? I whip around & said don't be catty, you walk with a purple walker how are you going to manage high heels... Once again everyone is laughing.  I'm ready to die & can't look at the poor lady with pink shoes for fear of a nasty look.
We finally see the doctor, get the staples removed & we are off
She needed to sit by the door & catch her breath. I pulled the car up thinking she would be watching for me, silly me, She is looking all around the lobby, checking people out, totally forgetting I am waiting... I go back in & she looks surprised, you're here.... Yep I am. As we head home & I replay the last couple hours in my head I think this is why I blog....

It's Christmas where we celebrate family

Oh Doris...
This Christmas season it the first year my mom has celebrate with my family.... Seeing the joy on her face when Cory, Sandra, Xeke & Aris (and Xena the great dane) arrived was priceless. Seeing her read to her great grandkids is priceless. I have feelings of overwelming emotions. She keeps telling them she is their great granny...
We explained to them granny can't hear very well, so Aris gets right up to granny's ear and talks to her. Granny responds the other ear Erika, I can't hear you. Aris changes ears and repeats herself. Granny now remembers her name is Aris Marie, Marie just like her mom's middle name Ellen Marie.
Watching Granny hold Luca and tell us how much she is filling out is priceless. Xeke has been struggling with a cold, taking it easy laying on the couch. Granny turns on a kids channel for him to watch.
For the past month Granny has been telling me how much she hates Christmas, It was getting on my nerves to hear her so depressing. I kept telling her she needs to make new memories & look forward not backwards.
She has blossomed seeing my kids & their families. I can't wait for her to see my youngest Brian tomorrow.
I feel some sadness when I think of how many holidays my mom has missed in my family, how many special memories she could have had & I am taking my own advice as looking forward to new memories we are making now.
I laughed so hard when she told me when Cory & Sandra were out clearing the driveway Xena came up and licked her face.... She grabbed a kleenex and wiped that slobber so quick.
It isn't always easy having her live with us but I wouldn't change it for anything. I am learning things about my mom that I never knew.
I am learning to show her I love her & not worry about how she shows her love to me. That isn't important. She's my mom for better or worse, it doesn't matter.
Last week her doctor received her records & saw she wasn't taking thyroid meds.. oops that fell thru the cracks... She is now on her meds & in only 6-8 wks should be back to normal, more awake then sleeping.
  A couple weeks ago she borrowed a pair of my jean, never mind they are too big and long. She got a little huffy when I asked for them back so I decided to buy her jeans for Christmas... I ordered online twice, made 2 trips to the store, returned 4pr exchanged 3 pr before scoring the perfect jeans. The look on her face was priceless when she put on a pair this morning and they fit perfectly... She is going to be so surprised when she gets 2 more pair..
I look forward to this next year, the things I will learn about mom's childhood, things about my parents marriage & who knows what else...
Merry Christmas