Friday, February 7, 2014

frustrations, disappointments & pity parties

As I sit and contemplate what to write about from last week, I'm can only think about frustrations & disappointments.
So many things have changed since Doris moved in with us. I quit my job which I enjoyed immensely. I have been to so many new doctor offices I have lost count. There is never a day that starts out with I feel wonderful today or even today is a good day.

We watched TV in the basement but now there is a TV in our living room. The TV has caption across the screen and still the sound is loud. The loudness is a constant.

Some of the plans I had made for photography have been put on hold. This week is the Special Olympic Winter Games. I  had planned on going and taking pictures, just for the fun of it. However I can't leave Doris for 2-3 days alone... Hubby is leaving for the week ~ his 3rd week of traveling...
I don't feel I can ask someone to sit with her & keep the wood stove going. Also the doctor appts this week...
So I wrote all that last Sunday during a bout of pity party syndrome...
This week Doris had a ultrasound Tuesday.. The day I usually have my granddaughter baby L for the day... So I will be pushing the wheelchair with Doris holding baby L who is nearly 5mo.. What sight we are as I go down to radiology... Do you have a good hold on baby L? Her mom won't understand if you drop her!
As we enter the waiting room, it is kinda full today. A young (I mean young!) pregnant couple, her mom & sister. Another family was waiting pregnant mom, dad & 2 girls.
The girls were playing with baby L. making her laugh and generally entertaining her. Fast forward to the evening:
Talking to Shannon: baby L is so precious.. Everyone thinks so. Then mumbled something about colors....
Later: Baby L is so precious. There was a colored family in the waiting room & even they thought she was precious... Doris was impressed that the "colored" family thought a "white" baby was precious...
She continually tells me she isn't racist, bigot, she loves everyone equally..... skin doesn't matter to her.
When I'm in a mood, I will reply color, what color are they, green, red, purple? She will sheepishly reply why they are black....

Last week Doris called her cousin John, who is out of state for the winter (smart man I say) anyhow Doris is talking to someone, giving all her history.. from people dying to breaking of bones, to what a good cook I am... She talked for maybe 20-30min.... Hangs up, looks at me & says I have no idea who that was, it was one of John's grand kids I think....
These conversations Doris has with people, spilling her guts reminds me to never never ever share anything personal & private with Doris.... It won't stay personal & private...

I was able to go to Grand Haven Pier this week. I was showing her some of the pictures ~ her response was are you able to make those darker before you print, I said yes, She replied that would look better.... hmm I wonder why my self esteem takes a dip every so often..... Then I talk to my friends who help me see it isn't me, I am the normal one
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