An eye opening week.

This week has been a very long week & it's only Wednesday.
Monday I made a doctor appointment for Doris. She can hardly breathe. She can't talk and catch her breath. She's talking all the meds prescribed yet is getting no better. She has been diagnosed with asthma for years and years. The doctor (whom we didn't like the first time we went) seemed to be more patient, caring and not as rushed. He also is concerned about the lack of air she is getting.
He mentioned CPOD... that's new for us. Doris smoked for a couple years way back in the late 50's.. although her parents smoked like chimneys.... So the second hand smoke has created problems. Also heating her home with wood for 30+ years is another issue... Doctor was shaking his head in disbelief. He ordered a new med for CPOD.. Hoping it helps her. He also ordered a bunch of blood work in case it's her heart... She could have a blockage. She didn't hear that part of the conversation, so I'm not sharing that unless I need to.
Tuesday was a rough day for both of us.. It was embarrassing for her and a test for me.. I believe I passed the test with flying colors. The afternoon consisted of 6 loads of her laundry, cleaning carpet and cleaning the mattress.. Thankfully it wasn't really as bad as it could had been....
As I was telling her I would change the bedding and do the laundry she interrupted to tell me it was okay, she would just put this pad over the sheets. I know I was sharp with her when I told her no, you won't sleep on a dirty bed.... She didn't want to be a burden or cause me extra work.. She was embarrassed.. (I apologized for being sharp & told her I wasn't mad but upset she didn't think she needed clean sheets)
My heart breaks for Mom... to think she'd sleep on a soiled bed to keep me from extra work...
I complain (sometimes a lot not to her tho) about things she does or says, however She's my Mom. She wiped my butt, she helped me during those rough teen years. I put her through some rough times as I was growing up. (not as rough as my sister or brother :) of course)..
Some days I wish she was living elsewhere, anywhere. I tend to look at what I have lost since she moved in 2 yrs ago... Freedom to travel as I wish, being able to see my grandkids whenever I want. always wondering if she's ok when I'm gone, those kind of things..
Instead I need to focus on the fact I can help my mom through her final years on earth.. This is not the life she planned either... I need to embrace this time with my mom. It won't be all roses all the time.. I will still need to have time away and the hubby will listen to me vent and ramble on for a couple hours. Then the next day we start over... I'm thankful for my hubby. He took her out to pick up meds and then to McDonald's for a treat. He didn't complain when I asked him to pick up the meds and it was his idea to take her out..
I am making memories with Mom that no one else will have... They don't get to hear those stories of her childhood while she can remember them.
I hope this new med will help her breathe.. I want to get her up in my studio to capture her spirit. If she can't then I will move what I need downstairs and get pictures of her.
She will still drive me crazy and come up with ideas I try to gently shoot down.. Overall she's still my Mom & I love her..