March the month I'd like to skip...

It's been a few weeks since I posted. March has been a hard month for me. Thankfully April is almost here. The sun is shining more, hopefully the snow quits, days are longer.. March 1st is the anniversary of my sister Beth's death. It's been (I think) 10 years. We weren't close until she was diagnosed with liver cancer. (don't wait until someone is dying to show your love). I still struggle with the circumstances of that last week. Anyhow to make the week even better 2 days later we celebrate my birthday. I don't really like birthdays. So the plan of the day was dinner @Hobo's in Muskegon with Shannon, Tim, Little L, Granny & Hubby. As I ordered my vodka tonic with lime, granny leans over and ask what I ordered. I replied tonic with lime. She ask, with vodka? I replied I certainly hope so.. Granny doesn't drink, her father was an alcoholic and even tho she has given us permission to have a glass of wine (yes she did say that), I try to be respectful of her feeling about it. Fast forward to the next day:
Granny: I should have stayed home last night...
Me: didn't you have fun?
Granny: yes, but you should have celebrated with your family..
Me: I did! you are part of the family...
She still doesn't see herself as part of our family, I'm trying hard to include her, make her feel included...It's hard to not make it personal.. This was the first birthday since I was 18 she has been with me to celebrate.. It's been a hard month for granny too.
She sleeps the majority of the day & night.. Which I've learned isn't such a bad thing for me. Instead of focusing on how much she sleeps I tend to embrace it.. It's a time I can do anything or just be alone. I am confident once her health issues are fixed she won't be sleeping so much. Last week was her first appt with the heart specialist. We learned her heart is out of rhythm (which makes one tired), her pacemaker is going to need replacing in 6-12months. Granny was talking to someone (everyone) telling them the doctor thought her scar from the breast cancer healed very nice. After hearing this story at least 5 times, I finally spoke up and told her he was talking about her pacemaker scar!!! He wasn't near the other scar.. Yesterday was the appointment for the procedure to put her heart back in rhythm.. Epic fail.... They knock you out, then shock you. they tried it 3 times and it didn't work. Adding another heart med to her list, in a month will shock her again. Little L came over Tuesday, Granny decided she needed to give her a nickname... Pork chop or porky... her reasoning ~ Little L has fat rolls... in my head I said "no wonder I see a counselor, and we need to start a fund for Little L's counseling when she's older.." I told granny she needed to find a better nickname for her. Toots, Luc, and cupcake it is.... she's so sweet I could eat her up... better start that fund next payday.
Took granny to church Wednesday for soups on. Churches in the area provide soups every Wednesday during Lent. She was sitting out in the foyer by herself, I motioned come in with everyone and make a friend... She was observing people (must be why I'm a people watcher) she asked about a man, I told her he's so and so husband. She replied I hope he had good eyesight when he was younger... My head whipped around, What does that mean? She replies well she's very beautiful.... I'm thinking it was a compliment in a backward way...
My Friend Val is working on getting granny to go to the local health club (whatever it's called) to swim.. She's ordered bathing suits for her to try on.. I think once granny gets there she will enjoy it.. it's baby steps getting her in pool.. I'm thankful for friends that reach out to granny....