tidbits from Doris

Doris received a call from Uncle B, hangs up & says Aunt Chris died! I replied That is too bad, do you want to go to the funeral? No she replies. I haven't seen her in years.
Throughout the day she calls various people telling them the news....
Fast forward to the next evening when Uncle B calls again ~ sorry Doris, it wasn't Chris who died but her sister...... When she hangs up I ask how many people she told who knew Chris & needs to call and set the record straight. She replies oh no one...
In my head I think only Doris....

A relative is going in for colon surgery she called the wife & said "hi, put Vaseline around his rectum to help with irritation... love you bye" that was the whole conversation.. She looked at me & says I think she appreciated me calling. I couldn't reply I was laughing so hard....

I sit at the kitchen table editing photos. Doris joins me sitting at my elbow... She is very helpful!
that looks funny
can you cut it off so she doesn't look like you cut her in half
that baby looks pale, change the background color
and my favorite: the background is multi color polka dots
are you going to leave the polka dots fuzzy?
I reply yes, I am
She ask do you think that looks good? I look at her (irritated) Yes, That is why I did it...
She ask do you think it takes the focus off the baby? I replied (more irritated) no I don't
She replies well if the dots were in focus it would.....Which is why they are fuzzy I reply!
Really, did you really just have this conversation with me...
My favorite observation : that girl looks like a football player....


The caregiver who comes and helps Doris bathe has been driving Doris a little crazy lately..
Miss T started a load of laundry. dark clothes & Doris' new flannel nightgowns - light in color...
Doris has been talking about this for a week now. I finally responded do your own laundry, you are able enough to do it. She replied I think I will... problem solved

Doris came into the living room  with a new problem:
She got a clean pair of panties out of the dressers. She came out to tell me Miss T ruined them. I asked how did she do that? Well she must have mopped the floor with my panties! They are dingy now.. I laugh & said she doesn't mop mom, they probably went thru the laundry in a dark load... Doris responds well maybe that is what happened. She decided she'd bleach them, I suggested throwing them away. She decides to  throw them since they are pretty old....
I laugh to myself and think it really is time to buy the  ole girl some new panties.... It will make her day I believe..

Doris has been helping out more ~ last week she emptied the dishwasher twice, and she put the dirty dishes in it. She washed the dishes that were too big, she has gotten her own soup & warmed it herself. She cleaned the table next to her chair, which is loaded down with magazines, kleenex, papers, bowl of skittles & who know what else... She mentioned to it to Mike, I cleaned my table off? She told me I know he likes things in their place....

The things Doris tends to say are funny only because she has no filter.... Her filter is totally broken and she says things she would have never said years ago. She really thinks shes being helpful, and is glad to help any way she can.
By finding the humor in the situation helps me keep my sanity at times

*** the lump I mentioned in the last post was not cancer!!!! happy dance going on here

the lump, the piercing & the old biddy

Doris: Shannon, you have your nose pierced?
Shannon: Yes Granny I do.
Doris: I'd like to get mine pierced too, but I don't want a gaudy ring in it, just a small one
Me: in my head I say I'm not taking you to get your nose pierced your 76 yrs old.....

Doris: When I go to my room I take my hearing aid out right away & turn it off..
Shannon & I look at each other perplexed... ok
Doris: That way I won't a thing from your bedroom Julie.....
We start laughing, I'm not sure what she thinks goes on in there & I'm not going to ask either. Ignorance is bliss


Doris: I'm going to take a nap.
Me: listen you old biddy, you can't nap you have to stay up.
Doris: I can't nap?
Me: nope.
Doris: Well then I like your sweater it's pretty, when are you going to give it to me? You called me an old biddy....
Me: I like this sweater you can't have it & you are an old biddy sometimes...
We start laughing together. Bonding as mother & daughter, old biddy & young
biddy.


Today Doris went for an ultrasound on her breast. She was quite subdued and quiet today, no waiting room stories to share. She has a lump & it is painful. We are fortunate to have a great doctor who listens to her (me). We will have results in a few days. About 15yrs ago She had breast cancer & had her right breast removed. Thankfully she didn't need any chemo or additional treatment. She is struggling with the thought of more cancer as any normal person would. In the last 10 yrs we as a family lost my sister, her daughter to liver cancer. I believe she was 45yrs old.  Also my dad, her husband to pancreatic cancer 9 months later.
We will patiently wait for the results & then do what ever the doctors want to do...
Today is the anniversary of dad's death, She misses him greatly & says she's glad he isn't in pain anymore. Then she gets quiet, I wonder what else is going on, what else she is thinking, Is she afraid of the pain or of dying? She says she is ready to go whenever God is ready. I think she questions why He is waiting or what is He waiting for... But she know she's ready whenever He is ready.

Things that make me laugh & cringe at times

Doris: thank you for the new lotion
Me: wait that's my new lotion, I couldn't find it
Doris: oh good because I don't like the smell of that lotion

Doris: I really like your new jeans, they are darker and your butt doesn't look so big
Me: Thank you
Doris: They sell these things that hold your stomach in, that would help too...
Me: Yes spanx. I have some, thank you for your help...

Doris: let me see your nails, oh I like that color, that other one was awful...
Me: Well I liked the other one or I wouldn't had them use that color
Doris: I think it looked nasty....

Can you say broken filter.. The ole girl doesn't have one anymore.. Gotta laugh

Me: I need the name of your heart doctor
Doris: I can't find my address book with all the info wrote in it, but I think he is Mexican, his name is Juan & his office is across from the grocery store
Me: I'm going to need a little more info than that..... The next day
Doris: excitedly I remember my heart doctors name
Me: good what is it
Doris: I wrote it down so I'd remember it..... Dr Sanjay Gupta.... Looking please with herself..
Me: Dr. Gupta is a doctor on TV, he does a morning news show sometimes.... I don't think you can afford him
Doris: well I guess I will keep thinking....
Doris: I don't know why I'm so sleepy, all I do is sleep... I think I will go lay down
Me: ok ~ a few hours later doris you need to get up! you're sleeping too much & you'll be awake all night....
Doris: ok, gets up , sits doing word search puzzles or reads for a couple hours ~ I'm so tired I think I will lay down....
Me : In my head, whatever
Next morning:
Me: how did you sleep?
Doris: I was awake all night! I just laid there..
Me: you think it could be you slept too much during the day?
 Doris: I don't know, I'm going to lay down for awhile I'm really tired...
What a twisted cycle that needs to be broken, reminds me of a baby with its nights & days mixed up.... However the other part of me thinks how much alone time I can have if she's sleeping... Better go wake her up .

This morning: Time to wake up:
Doris: I feel so refreshed, I left the little heater off, I think that is was too warm in my room..
Me: could be, glad you feel better..
Doris: goes to bathroom, comes out & says I'm going to lay down I am just so tired...
Me: screaming in my head..... you've been up for 15min....

Things we have accomplished since Doris moved in:
Sleep test = new bipap machine
Hearing test = new to her hearing aids
Panic button = doesn't push it tho doesn't want to bother anyone....
Eye appt = checking glaucoma & cataract
Got doctor records & new doctor realized she wasn't getting thyroid meds.... Oops could be cause of excessive sleep
Loose screws removed = screws in her knees removed = less knee pain
Testing blood levels at home vs trip to doctor office (thanks to Shannon)
Appt for urologist, heart doctor, eye doctor
Paying bills from a year ago when she broke her leg.
Set up commission on aging for help with showering, cleaning her room and most important clipping those toenails....

Next on the list to accomplish Setting up visiting the senior center & make friends
Invite ladies in for coffee social with her...
Keep laughing....that is what is next on my list....

Oh Doris ~ a visit to the doctors office

On Dec 30th Doris was scheduled to have the screws in her knee removed.. These screws are a result of her falling a year ago and breaking her femur. She had been complaining her knee hurt, the screw hurt, etc...
The screws were removed without any problem, with one of them having broke. No wonder the screw was poking out and hurting.
Fast forward 10 days ~ the day to have the staples removed....
I told her we needed to leave 1/2 hr earlier than we actually needed to be there. History has shown me we will be late if she knows the actually time..
I drop her at the door & park, She finds a seat while I get her checked in...
I hear her (across a full waiting room) talking to someone about horses... She used to have an appaloosa stallion. (I disliked him after he threw me) then on to Mary Maxim a craft catalog.... I'm still wondering how those 2 relate to each other..
As I sit down next to her in a very loud voice she declares every woman her age needs a husband like mine.... I replied I believe he is too young for you & I'd like to keep him....
Everyone started laughing.. I'm encouraging her to talk lower & she's just not getting it. She decided every mother needs a daughter with a husband like mine... That works for me
She sees a special needs girl with her dad, very loudly she said look at that mongoloid girl, thankfully neither the girl or her dad heard her. I once again try to quiet her down to no avail...
A lady sitting way to close to us was wearing bright pink high heel shoes... Doris very loudly says You think I should get a pair of pink shoes like hers? I whip around & said don't be catty, you walk with a purple walker how are you going to manage high heels... Once again everyone is laughing.  I'm ready to die & can't look at the poor lady with pink shoes for fear of a nasty look.
We finally see the doctor, get the staples removed & we are off
She needed to sit by the door & catch her breath. I pulled the car up thinking she would be watching for me, silly me, She is looking all around the lobby, checking people out, totally forgetting I am waiting... I go back in & she looks surprised, you're here.... Yep I am. As we head home & I replay the last couple hours in my head I think this is why I blog....